Men and Feelings

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A way to deeper fellowship–SASHET

Last Friday, everyone (no one was left out) in the church that meets in our home shared what is going on in their lives–not a casual, all is well with a bright and false smile, but an in-depth genuine sharing from the heart. To accomplish this, we used a tool that we’ve employed a number of times before that we were taught by John White from It’s a brilliant tool to aid sharing in deep fellowship.

Carly Anderson

In a book called “Emotional Intelligence for Project Managers by Anthony Mersino, there’s a model attributed to David E. Carlson called the “SASHET Families of Emotion.” SASHET stands for Sad, Angry, Scared, Happy, Excited, Tender. Carlson asserts that there are six primary feeling words, as well as a range of emotions each of these words represent.

Joshua Hook

How to Know What You’re Feeling

Use the acronym SASHET to help people identify feelings.
  • sad
  • angry
  • scared
  • happy
  • excited,
  • tender

To start, I’d like to give us a language to talk about feelings. Some of my colleagues and I like to use the acronym SASHET to help people identify feelings. SASHET stands for sad, angry, scared, happy, excited, and tender.

Sadness involves feelings of loss. Maybe someone close to you passed away, and you feel loss from that. Maybe you recently got divorced, and there is loss associated with the relationship ending. Maybe you are feeling sad from the loss of a dream, or something you wanted to happen that just didn’t work out. You can sometimes feel sadness as heaviness in your chest. Maybe you feel a lump in your throat. Perhaps you feel like you are about to cry.

Anger involves a boundary being crossed. Maybe someone did something or said something to you or your family that wasn’t right. Maybe you were cheated on a business deal. Maybe you experienced an injustice. You can sometimes feel anger as clenching your fists. Maybe you feel tightness in your jaw. You might feel hot, or amped up.

Scare involves feeling as if you are in danger. Maybe you actually are in physical danger. Or maybe you feel fear about a task at work that you don’t think you can do. Maybe you feel scare about the possibility of a relationship ending, and what that would mean for you and your family. You can sometimes feel fear as butterflies in your stomach. You might feel jittery or shaky. You might have trouble sleeping, or relaxing.

Happiness involves feelings of joy, as if everything is right with the world. Maybe you are feeling sensory pleasure, such as when you take in a beautiful sunset or eat a good meal. Maybe you feel a deep sense of satisfaction from a job well done. You can sometimes feel happiness as a deep restful satisfaction. Maybe you find yourself smiling, or having a more open posture toward the world.

Excitement involves anticipation that something good is going to happen. Maybe you are excited about a new opportunity, such as starting a new school year or beginning a new job. Maybe you are excited about an upcoming trip or vacation. You can sometimes feel excited as having a lot of energy in your body. You might have trouble sitting still, and want to jump up and down.

Tenderness involves deep connection with others. You might feel tender toward someone whom you love and care about. Maybe you were struggling or feeling down, and there was someone there to listen and be with you in your pain. You can sometimes feel tenderness as heaviness in your body or chest. You might experience tears because of your connection with the other person.

Liberation Psychotherapy - Sashet

Liberation Psychotherapy - Sashet

libpsych sachet pagwe

Real Old Copied Manipulative

  • Sadness
  • Anger
  • Scare
  • Happiness
  • Excitement
  • Tenderness

John White - LK10 - sashet

Category: SASHET

What’s better than SASHET? page at

Supplementary Feeling Words Word doc at local copy -sashet -sashet

What is SASHET?

It’s simple enough – you check-in with your partner by choosing one or more emotions from this listing (Sad – Angry – Scared – Happy – Excited – Tender), share them with your partner, elaborate to the degree that you would like and declare “I’m in.” Kids can do it, too. The power comes from sustainably practicing this tool daily – or even multiple times a day.

  • Sad
  • Angry
  • Scared
  • Happy
  • Excited
  • Tender

To take it a step further – Ask one another what you’ve been hearing from the Lord today. Sometimes our feelings contain hints of God’s promptings.

Basic Guidelines for SASHET

You may:

  • Focus on listening to the other person well.
  • Ask clarifying questions.
  • Choose one or many emotions (even if they seem in conflict)!
  • Choose to limit your verbal response simply to “I hear you.”
  • Limit and/or discern what you would like to share.
  • Share extensively, if you would like.
  • Practice SASHET in a pairing or in a larger group setting.

You may not:

  • Give advice or try to fix the other person.
  • Interrupt (this includes interrupting to pray).
  • Tell stories about your similar personal experiences.
  • Use qualifiers: “I’m a little sad…” or “I’m sort of angry…” (Instead try: “I’m checking in as scared.”)
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